The Tragedy of Oblivion

I am always struck by how certain situations in life could have turned out…those moments where, had you not been held up in line at the grocery store, you would have crossed paths 20 minutes later with an old acquaintance and potential employer that would have changed the course of your career. You’d never know that your future was blown because of the slow-ass woman who couldn’t find her debit card, but nonetheless that fact would remain, and exist, in some unknown area of the Universe.

This is something I call the tragedy of oblivion. Speaking from my own experience, I think back to one frustrated night about five years ago. I had been through one failed attempt at dating after another, and one particularly painful episode of unrequited love. I was ready for “the one” to come along, and at 32, felt somehow cheated by life in this respect. Not being one to hang out at bars, I would occasionally browse online personal ads. But this night, I was simply looking for support within the gay community, maybe a message board or mailing list discussing the difficulties of actually finding someone who wanted the same things that I did.

Normally, I quit on page two of a Google search. If I haven’t found what I’m looking for by then, I’m probably not going to find it. But on this night, I kept clicking, though I couldn’t explain why. At one point, I distinctly recall thinking about shutting down the computer and going to bed, but kept on clicking. Finally on page six of the results, I clicked on a web page that looked interesting.

Within the personals section of this site, I noticed a woman who posted a simple “moving to the area from Japan, wish to meet new people” and her email address. It had been posted several months before, but I wrote to her anyway, thinking she might be moved here by now. “Hey, I am also in blah blah town, write back if you’re still looking to meet someone.” What followed was a month long email correspondence, without even exchanging pictures, and we will now be celebrating our second wedding anniversary in August.

But what if I had shut down the computer and gone to bed that night? We would never have met, and I would never have known it. And you might ask, how can it be tragic if you would never have known? To which I answer, the tragedy is that very thing…my oblivion…whether I would have been aware of it or not.

artwork from cozymisery.com

And so I wonder, how many tragedies of oblivion do we each experience every day? It really puts into perspective how very much our lives are dictated by our own choices…the irony and tragedy being that oftentimes we are unaware, blissfully ignorant, choosing another option from the menu of life and moving along as if nothing happened.